One definition of the word attitude is, "a hypothetical construct that represents an individual's degree of like or dislike for an item". Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist of the 20th century, defines attitude as a "readiness of the psyche to act or react in a certain way". For most of us, attitude is defined as just how pissed we get by the way other people treat us! On a daily basis, we both give, and get attitude, and how we react plays a huge part in how our day goes.
Let's look at what happens in the work place that affects your attitude. You get a new boss who really doesn't know how to do their job, and has no idea what your job is, and what their job's relationship is to your job. You have no respect for them, and you constantly question (to yourself or your co-workers) what exactly they do based on the amount of jobs they pass along. Oh yeah, that's a great attitude builder!
Or maybe you get along well with your boss, and every time you complete a project, they praise your work and stroke your ego by telling you how important you are. Sounds good, right? Well it is…up to a point. What happens when this same person who singles you out with praise, then lumps you in with a bunch of other folks who you work with, and treats you like you are just one of the group? Even worse, what happens when some of these others get perks that you don't?? Have they ever heard the phrase, "actions speak louder than words"?
And it's not just your supervisors who affect your attitude…how about these co-workers? Let's start with the one who you are always doing for, but who never seem to pay you back? Some people are just takers and you really can't expect them to repay the kindness. If you do, you are going to fall hard! Or how about the co-worker who really has no idea what your job is, but is very quick to throw you and what you do, under the bus. What is it with folks who don't know what you do all day, but are always happy to demean you and your part of the work puzzle? Or how about the new guy who acts like you have no idea how to do something you've done for years. Rather than tap your body of knowledge, they go elsewhere and it ends up being the blind leading the blind! Now that can really fry your attitude!
And it's not just at work…what about on the way to or from work? Is there someone on the train who acts like they are at home, playing their IPod as loud as possible, or talking on their cell phone? Have you had someone cut in front of you or push you out of the way on the subway platform? Or how about the driver who cuts you off making you wonder if they got their license at the K-Mart down the street, or if they even have one?? And you're not even at home yet!
How about after you are finally in your "castle" and on opening the mail find a bill from someone who threatens to turn off your electricity (or phone, cable, water, gas, etc.) because they haven't gotten a payment you know you made! Do you really want to attempt to get through their voice prompt system to a human being, or are you pissed off enough already? Let's not even get into what your family can do to you. Kids can push all the right buttons and yep, there goes your attitude!
So here we are, the nice guy or girl who starts out their day just wanting to get through it, and all you've done is dodge attitude from others all day. Bosses, co-workers, family and lots of folks you don't even know, have conspired to ruin your day, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it! Or is there?
Whenever I get smacked down by the forces of life, I think back to a book I read a long time ago by a pop-self help guru, Wayne Dyer. The book was called "Pulling Your Own Springs", and in big letters on the cover of the book, right under the title, were the following words, "Dynamic techniques for dealing with other people and living your life as you choose". An interesting thought…..
He starts right off in the introduction to the book which is titled, "The Philosophy of Non-Victimization", and goes on from there. His theory is that we don't have to let other people and their attitudes change the way we want to live our life. We don't have to let other people "pull our strings", because only we are in control of our life! If you say, "God, does Jane piss me off", you are wrong. Dyer says that Jane does not piss you off, but rather that YOU allow Jane to piss you off! So ultimately WE are in control of our attitude!
So what do you do? Well, according to this philosophy, other's attitude and actions towards you will not control your attitude UNLESS you let it. Is it easy to keep this control? Absolutely not! By far the easiest thing to do is to fall into the trap. To play the "poor me" card and become the victim. But again, you let yourself be the victim, and only you have the power to do that. So don't!
Look, you may not like the way some folks treat you at work, but if you are like me, until you win the Mega Millions Lottery, you need to keep working. The commute or your situation at home may not be perfect either, and it all affects you. I don't know about you, but I'm not the kind of person who can go someplace every day and hate it. So I think back to this book and try (and some days I am more successful than others) not to let others pull my strings. It's not easy in a lot of ways, but I find that life is easier if you keep a positive attitude. Some days this is even harder as others try to pull you into their funk and get you to share the victim attitude, but you just have to remember that YOU are in control of YOU! You may think that this is a real Pollyanna attitude and unrealistic, but think about it…if these folks piss you off, who suffers? YOU!!! If you don't let yourself get pissed off, you don't suffer!
So my advice to you (and to me because we always have to self reinforce this kind of attitude), is to not let others get inside of your head. You are ultimately in control of your attitude, and life is much nicer when you realize that! As Wayne Dyer might say, "Don't let others pull your strings". You may have also heard it expressed another way, and that works for me too. Simply put, "Don't let the assholes get you down!"
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