Our Children – Part 1

Children are one of the true joys of life. They also can be a source of angst, frustration, pride and every other emotion that can exist between 2 human beings! Susie and I are very blessed to have 3 great kids. It's amazing how different they are, and yet how similar. How each of them has a different direction in life and goes their own way, but how connected they are. As an only child, being the father of 3 can sometimes be a challenge as I have absolutely no personal experience with sibling relationships, but I did manage to survive not only the terrible twos, but having 3 teenagers in the house at the same time! Of course, every day was a learning experience for me, but as one of 3 herself, Susie has always been there to tell me when to worry and when the latest "disaster" was just normal for a family with 3 kids! So they went from babies to little kids to teenagers to college kids and now to adults! I don't know where the time went or how they got so old so fast, but I am very proud of the people they have become and how they are living their lives. Take our middle child, our daughter Krissi. She's one of our twins – the "older sister" of Kenny by 2 minutes, and as I use to tell her when she was little, "my favorite daughter". Of course, as our only girl, she is my only daughter, so really had a leg up on being my "favorite daughter"! She has been a fighter since the day she and Kenny were born! They were supposed to show up just before Christmas but we always say Krissi was tired of waiting to see the world and they were born 5 weeks prematurely on November 20th. At 4:13 PM at Winthrop Hospital in Mineola, our second child was born and I became the father of a daughter! Early that evening, after the two of them were safely in Winthrop's Neonatal Intensive Care unit, I was standing over my very small but beautiful daughter looking at one of the two miracles we'd been blessed with that day. Suddenly this little baby reached out with her tiny hand and grabbed by finger and squeezed it. I've always felt that with that one little action, Krissi was telling me to tell Mom that she and Kenny were fine and that they'd be home with us for Christmas of 1986! That first month was a hard one for our family. As with all preemies, Krissi and Kenny lost weight, then Susie was diagnosed with a strep infection and couldn't see her two new borns till it was cleared up. Krissi was a little bigger and healthier than her brother so I was able to take her out of her crib and we'd spend hours sitting by Kenny's incubator. She weighed so little that I could hardly even feel her in my arms, but in those hours we sat watching her brother I talked to my daughter. I told her of my love for her and of her Mother and our dreams for her and our love for our newly enlarged family. That first week was a long one and because Neonatal Intensive Care was still off limits to Susie, Krissi and I spent a lot of time together. Well, Susie's strep infection cleared up and she was finally able to spend time with Krissi and Kenny. They got bigger and healthier and after 3 weeks our daughter came home . Several days before Christmas, 1986 Kenny came home and our family of 5 was together for our first Christmas. Hard to believe that in just a little more than a month, it will be 24 years since that fateful time in our lives. When I think back on the time Krissi and I spent in Winthrop's Neonatal unit and then look at the talented young woman my daughter is today, I wonder where the ensuing 24 years went. She grew up as all kids do, and as all kids, she changed along the way, but so much of the pride I feel in being her father today I felt on that day in 1986 when she first squeezed my finger. Krissi is a passionate young lady who I am very proud to call my daughter. She has always cared for the underdog and has worked towards elevating their position. She is a good and caring friend who takes care of those she loves – be they family or friends. Now…do we always get along? Ah, no…but Susie says that's because Krissi and I are very alike (a claim that I know she won't like to hear). Krissi decided a long time ago that her mission in life is to help people. After graduating from Clark University with a BA in Women's Studies and a BA in Sociology, she came home and took some time to figure out a plan….and figure out she did! First she started to look for an internship in the non-profit field. She got a connection and found a great internship at the Human Services Council of NYC. At the same time she got a part time job at a local cardiologist's office. Between the two positions she worked 5 days a week and was learning a lot both places. After a couple of months at the Doctor's office, she was asked what it would take for them to get her to work there full time. She was applying to graduate schools at this point, so the prospect of a full time job with vacation and benefits seemed like a good mix. She decided that working at this local Doctor's office and going for a Master's of Public Administration degree at C.W. Post was the way to go, and so she made it happen. When Krissi started talking about graduate school we sat down and talked and I told her that as much as I'd love to be able to do it, as she was one of three and as I was still paying off the balance of a couple of college tuitions, graduate school would be on her nickel. Luckily, Krissi is the one of our three kids who is a good money manager and with my help she applied for and got loans to cover a large percentage of the tuition. Krissi is now in her second year of graduate school and although she occasionally gets a little nuts with school work and real work and trying to have a life too, by in large she is handling it great. We are very proud of the effort she puts into everything she does and it pays off. She has constantly advanced at her job and she has been very successful at school. She's learned that the juggling act called being an adult is not always easy but that with planning and work, you can do it all! My daughter Krissi is no longer that little baby or even the cute little girl she was…even if that seems like just a few years ago. She is a mature, responsible woman who has a head on her shoulders, a huge heart, and a desire to make the world a better place. I have no doubt that Krissi will be a very successful woman and that along the way she will make the lives of many others better. No matter how old she gets or how successful she becomes in life, she will always be my little girl. I think I knew early on the evening of November 20, 1986 that my middle child was going to have a mind of her own, but during the last 24 years I've also learned that she's got a huge heart, a stubborn streak, and a real desire to do the right thing. She is a beautiful, smart, resourceful, caring young woman and I hope she knows how proud I am of her, her choices, and the person she's become!

Family Time

One of the things that happen as kids grow up, is that the time the family spends together is greatly reduced. Dinners around the kitchen table, vacation and weekend trips, hanging out at school events, and even shopping for clothes are no longer the way of life. What was once the most normal of things, is now a very occasional event. I guess in our case, it first started to come apart when Billy went off to college. Being four years older than Kenny and Krissi, he was starting at Ithaca College as they were starting at Mineola High School. At twelve years old, the "twins" didn't have driver's licenses nor lives of there own, and that fall, we suddenly went from a family of five to a party of four. As the years progressed, "family time" became a dim memory, and now that we are the parents of an almost twenty-eight year old, and two almost twenty-four year olds, the times the five of us are together are far and few between. The latest episode of the D'Elia Family's Family Time came Columbus Day weekend in beautiful downtown Janesville, Wisconsin – the garden spot of the Mid-West! Why, you may ask, did we choose this particular location? Well, youngest son Kenny (the actor) is starring as Sammy in "The Wedding Singer" at the Armory in Janesville, and like last spring, when the whole family rendezvoused in Philly when Kenny and the National Tour of 'Annie" was in town, we took this opportunity to combine a family weekend with seeing Kenny's show! On Saturday morning our group assembled at LaGuardia airport. Susie, twin sister Krissi, older brother Billy, Billy's girlfriend Lori, and I boarded an 8AM United flight at LaGuardia and were on our way to O'Hare in Chicago. After a couple hour flight to Chicago, it was a Hertz car and an hour and a half drive to Janesville. Kenny had a matinee on Saturday afternoon, so we took the opportunity to lunch at a Fuddruckers that was just down the road from our hotel. When the kids were little, trips to the Fuddruckers across from Eisenhower Park was almost a weekly occurrence. Everyone has missed those trips since that location closed, so it was fun to be in Wisconsin and relive what was indeed a real part of our kids' childhood! Once Kenny finished his performance, he drove over to the hotel and our family group was complete. The times we live in are the easiest there have ever been to stay in touch, and we all have been in contact with Kenny since he went to Wisconsin in August, but there is nothing that equals seeing your son in real life, in the same time zone, state, city and room! Cell phones, email, and texting are a great way to stay in touch, but nothing they do can compare with a hug! Having the whole family together is just a very special thing, and if it necessitated a trip from Long Island to Wisconsin, so be it! So once the hugs and greetings were taken care of, Kenny decided that he needed some groceries. What better thing to do with your Mom and Dad then take them to the local grocery store…where they might even pay for the groceries! Now going to the grocery store in the NY Metro area and going in Wisconsin are two different things! This store was huge! Aisle after aisle of all kinds of food - and that was after we'd already explored the warehouse sized liquor store that was attached! The best was the cheese section. I say section and not aisle as here in the Cheese Head Capital of the World, Wisconsin, the cheese department went literally for blocks! Incredible selection and incredible prices! So after spending about $150 for groceries, we left to get ready for that night's show. The Armory was just that till a couple of years ago. It was converted into a dinner theater and restaurant/lounge. The "theater" is now what was the drill hall in the center of the building, and it was good to see an old building that has some local history still being put to good use. As to the show, "The Wedding Singer"…well, if you've seen the Adam Sandler movie then you know what the basic plot is. Kenny is Sammy, Robbie's best friend and the bass guitar player in his band. Taking place in 1980s New Jersey, Kenny had some incredible costumes and a long mullet wig. The whole show was great, and they are a very talented group of performers. How was Kenny? Well, speaking with total objectivity and not at all remembering that I am his father and have loved him since before he was born, HE WAS INCREDIBLE!!! This is Kenny's first professional "starring" role, and he handed it wonderfully. I said to Susie after the show that it was so nice to see Kenny not take the first curtain call, as he has done many times in the past as a member of the ensemble. So, after the show, our instructions were to hurry into the Bunker Lounge and get a table for that night's after-show Cabaret, staring the cast of "The Wedding Singer." We did, and again we were not disappointed. The theme for the night was "Typed Out – Songs I'll Never get to Sing", and basically were performances that for whatever reason (sex, age, race, type, etc.), the performer would never be able to sing on stage. We were treated to 7 or 8 great performances by many of the talented cast of the show. Kenny was announced as having just completed two years on the National Tour of "Annie", and then did a comedic version of "Tomorrow." It was great, as were all the performances including the finale which was all the girls in the cast, as "The Jersey Girls" singing a five minute medley of the Four Season's hits! A lot of fun and well appreciated by the audience. After the cabaret, it was time for a trip around the corner to a Janesville Irish Pub where we bought the family and the cast a drink or two. What a great night…both seeing Kenny and his show, meeting his new theatrical family, and doing it with our whole family! The next day the six of us headed up to Madison, Wisconsin in the 86 degree temperatures and had a great afternoon exploring the many stores on State Street. Yes, there were a few brews consumed too, and we even had our first exposure to fried cheese curds!! Another great day, but when your kids are in their 20s, any day that you all get to spend together is a great day! As I said in the beginning, when what was once the most normal of things is now a very occasional event, you need to enjoy and be thankful for every one of them! We are…both thankful that we like the three adults our kids have become, that we like spending time with them, (and their significant others and their friends!) and that we get to have these Family Weekends!